Ok, so this chapter, chapter 6, of Stressed-Less Living was a doozy. It is not that I haven’t heard it before, but I have been listening to a louder and more obnoxious voice lately. I fully believe in the reality and existence of the enemy of God. I have had my share of very real and obvious battles with him and his trappings. But I think that I still have areas that are, were, easy targets for the enemy to trip me on. As I read Tracie Miles tell of coming home from that retreat it easily could have been me writing that. The greater the breakthrough for me spiritually the worse the attack. Retreats are the worst. Usually it is when I am a part of the leadership I come home to the same situation as Tracie, but I was never mature enough to get it.
I always found fault in my husband, kids, etc. I have high expectations of my husband. I use to think it was a compliment. Or at least that it should be taken by him that way. After all I believed he has the ability to do just as much as I do and just as well. But truthfully I think on it now and I see my own pride and wanting my own way. My husband is a sweet guy with a serious want to make me happy and not let me down. Which makes it even worse when he does something that he thinks will. He is a normal male with a sin nature like all the rest. But if he does something that could be construed as wrong or bad then he will bury it. But it always gets back to me. I use to think that it was God showing me so that I could help him “work” on my husband. But now I am leaning more towards the enemy using it to drive a wedge in our marriage. It always comes about at a time when our marriage has reached a blissful place of seemingly restored. Then pow! Then I blame my husband for ruining everything. This last time was the worst. But leaning on God and going through this study has shown me a few things about myself that makes this less true and more a victim mentality and a deserving more thought cycle that I can see Satan delighting in planting inside of me.
Then, for most of my life, an element of pain is added to the situation through illness or injury that inflame the feelings even more. Satan knows that pain is my Achilles’ heel. “Make life messy and add pain” is written on the prescription Satan prescribes for messing with my life.
With these new realizations and the tools that Tracie has shared I am determined to watch for those pokes to my weak areas. I am going to give this up to God and I am asking him to help me now that I am aware that this is what is going on. I know that there is even bigger battles ahead as I learn to conquer the stress and lay down the parts that need to be surrendered. I ask that you pray with me for wisdom, strength, humility, grace, and forgiveness. Thanks and Blessings!