Week 3 Blog Hop of Stressed-Less Living.
I tried to pick one. But if your life is like mine you will find times when it seems like all of the above apply. Trying to pick between one topic or the other, when both are at the forefront of my life, is nearly impossible. So even though I did, I wanted to do Hope From Upstream too!
The reflection verse for this week speaks volumes to me:
This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.” Isaiah 30:15 NIV
A few times in my life I have looked at a healthy today, but most of the time it has been looking towards a healthy tomorrow or longing for the healthier yesterday. Shortly after starting this study I decided to try and get back on track.
I am diabetic. Medically induced by glucose steroid overdosing when they thought I had MS years ago. Like Tracie, I think it was Tracie in the book, I have had multiple fantom illnesses in my life. They are very real, the symptoms are very real, but a diagnosis nevers seems closer than a rainbow. Except the diabetes Thanks to a crossing of wires in my neurologist I got a month of high doses of glucose steroids. The result was type 2 diabetes. It has been about 8 years since that happened. The oral medication causes my kidneys distress and bleeding, so I am left with dietary changes or shots. So I went with the dietary changes. 3 out of the last 6 years I have done well with that. But it is so very restrictive, at the level I have to follow, that I fall off the wagon after a year, or so, of success. The lower my weight, the greater the success and the less restrictive I have to be. Unfortunately, it is a cycle of one things lead to the next.
Last year I was having really bad neuropathy in my back and constant female problems. The doctors found I was full of growths that were in the walls of my female organs. Not able to remove them I had a hysterectomy. I was at a place, prior to the surgery, where I was at a healthy weight and was eating right. After a month of meals from church and being at the mercy of others I found I again was totally tempted by the tastes of all the forbidden foods and I started eating bad again.
At the beginning of the year I started experiencing breathing problems and was diagnosed with Reactive Airway Distress Syndrome. So I am on inhaler steroids. So on top of a bad diet, and this new issues, I gained back 50 pounds and feel bad physically.
You would think that would be enough to keep a person on track, but if I am honest, I am no better than the Israelites in the bible. I have experienced miracles and seen the hand of God so many times in my life, and yet I look away and forget my way and stumble in a panic that “I” cannot control things.
So here I am now, and I have been eating as I should the last two weeks, though I have had two forbidden dinners, and I am feeling weak and trying to get beyond the cravings and beyond the “cheating” and I need prayer.
Looking to a Healthy tomorrow will always be necessary for me, and difficult in my own power, but I am praying that God will guide me, that I will release the control to him so that I can experience that rest and peace in him. I repent of my trying to be the one to succeed and do do do all in my own power. Help me to have the quietness and trust necessary to experience your strength. I do not want to live in this place of stress with the knowledge that by my choice “I would have none of it.”