Ok, so this is my first bloghop. We will see if I can consistently stick with it. The question I chose to answer is be cause of a couple of reasons.
First, I identified with almost everything Tracie was saying in chapter one.
Second, I found that since making the commitment to do this study God has been increasingly forcing me to face the real problem.
And thirdly, because I got some straight forward answers from Him during prayer this week.
I have always told my kids that you have to know the problem before you can fix it. And mine is that I got sucked in by blaming other things and people and their actions for my stress. I got swallowed up by the infinite possibilities of what was happening to me and how it controlled my life. For me, that then turns in to an OCD need for increasing control over what I can control (or think I can).
It really took a sucker punch, reading this first chapter to look in the mirror and realize that I had become so self focused and consumed. I had thrown in the towel because I had already decided I knew that things were what they were and I had lost hope, justifiably Been there? But I realized that I had decided my God was not big enough to use this for his good and mine. I had decided that I was wronged and it was my job to make people pay. After all they lied, they deceived they were wrong. It was my right to feel bad that I am afflicted with physical limitations and illness. Me, me, me.
The think is I know better. I am a daughter of the king. A strong proponent of being a Mary in a Martha world, yet I have become a Martha.
But a strange thing happened in reading this chapter. I prayed as Tracie led. And I found God speaking to my heart. He didn’t scold me. He didn’t get angry at me. He didn’t justify me.
HE IDENTIFIED WITH ME and that BLEW ME AWAY!
I poored out my heart about how everything and everyone had changed my life, what they had done to me, and I tried to show my justification. For everything I said he would answer, I know how you feel. I was lied to, lied about, decieved, hurt, hated, betrayed, etc. And with each thing he flashed a vision in my mind of what he went through in his life. He ended it with showing me how he loved anyway and went to God with everything and to finish it off he said, “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they are doing.”
I found that I was silenced with humilty and love. I realized I had stopped loving like I had been taught by my Savior. So that was my real problem. Me. I had forgotten love.
Thank you Jesus for loving me enough to remind me and to help me to live again!